Advice for our Beloved Auntie!!

[chaosqueenParticipant]

I am not sure what the question is? Are you worried she will fill up the house again? Or worried she won’t let you help anymore? Sounds like your mom is doing a good job. She can take pictures of the chances and show her.

 

[Josie20Participant]

Hey @chaosqueen my question is how can we best support her when she moves back in. I know she will have a big shock and change and we want to support her best she can. We are unsure weather to see if she wants therapy as obsioulsy she is very old and has not wanted to address this in the past

 

i don’t think she can physically hoard much now as she has limited movement

 

many thanks :)

[chaosqueenParticipant]

I would say try to prepare her for the new situation by showing her pictures, if you can, make sure she is not lonely, have a visiting schedule for family members and takle turns if that is possible, most important just ask her what she would like and need. She can tell you best if she wants company or time to herself. check if there are day programs fr seniors and see if she would like to attend.

If she hates what happened tell her social services would have intervened if you hadn’t and then things would have been worse and she might have ended up in a rest home instead of back at home. Good luck!

[OddsocksParticipant]

You are being very kind and thoughtful! I think telling her gradually, with photos, would be a good idea. Be prepared if she finds it traumatic rather than a relief. Its so good that you have made a shed with her possibly important things. You could ask her over to look at it if she wants to- it could be reassuring for her that they havent been chucked out.

Its very difficult if people dont think they have a problem (you can see some of the info in the friends and carers section of this site, or go to MINDs website and search hoarding, which has advice for friends/carers too.

Explain that the focus is on keeping her safe. Particularly in the situation that she has already been injured. Also if she needs visting carers or others the home needs to be safe for them.

Also although she has been coping with washing, she’s had the experience of having a bath/shower and that might having the ability attractive to continue (you might need to organise things to make that safer)

So its not about disapproval or being judgmental. Not being bossy like her mum! And its good that she did give you some permission, although maybe not expecting so much to go.

It would be her choice of what stays and what goes in future. And who she has in the house. She counts as having ‘mental capacity’ and does not have a serious enough mental health problem to be sectioned so she is in charge.

I dont think your lawyer is correct- social services might say she needed to be in a care home but not which one?

Hoarding used to be seen as a subset of OCD but its now recognised as a separate disorder too. There isnt necessarily a childhood trauma. Which is unfortunate from the perspective of having something you can work on to improve the situation. Obviously its terrible if someone has had that.

 

 

 

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Oddsocks.

[NanaParticipant]

When my mother in law had to go into a home due to her gradual deterioration, she was anxious at first, and her daughter thought it best to  hide the fact that the house had been emptied and sold – she was not a hoarder, but naturally she was concerned about her home.
This did seem to be the best option, and gradually the memory faded.
If your great aunt is anxious about her things it might be kindest to minimise the amount which has been disposed of.
If you could perhaps bring her a box of what is left and encourage that it is gone through – even if it doesn’t happen, but a casual mention of how much has been moved into storage might be reassuring.
I did not like the deception of my mother in law, but I had to accept that it did seem to be the kindest option as time passed and she settled into the home.

I hope that the house was damp due to the amount of things in it, not from some structural fault. We had dehumidifiers in a couple of rooms to dry out the remaining items. They make a big difference.

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