Help From Other People

[Kim2014]

Whereas I desperately want appropriate help and don’t seem to be able to get it. My help issue is mainly connected to my lack of money to pay for it, issue.

There are different types of hoarding, hoarder, and different types within those if that makes sense.

Some people need help with where to start, others need help with moving heavy objects, or disposing of huge amounts of garden rubbish. Some need help with technology in order to sell or give away items, or simply register for useful services, others (as you’ve said) with organisation.

Some need help with why they think the way they do, others, know only too well, but need help to change those responses. Some don’t need help, they need accountability and to not be alone. I’m sure there’s many more kinds, and all may be worth discussing.

Most of us want help that doesn’t come with strings or agenda’s and for many that means being able to pay for it, or accept what they can get, or do without.

For me my strong points are:

I’m really good at organising, really good at cleaning, good at maintaining*. To the point I brought up a family without them even knowing I was hoarding.

I’m now disabled and still good at a lot of it but I really need physical help with some things.

*slight exception with garden these days, mainly as a result of trying to avoid hostile neighbours.

Weaker points:

I’m not yet good at discarding, but have some insight as to why with a fair amount of it, and an understanding of ways I may be able to overcome it.

I’m better at not acquiring, but need to be much better. I need professional help with thought processes, impulse control, and how to change them/it.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

I am learning to accept help. I am the I have to do this by myself type. It is good to know that people are willing to help. Even better on my terms. And to see I am not alone in this. I think it helps that my house is cluttered but not drowning in stuff. So must people don’t see me as a hoarder just an overwhelmed disorganized person which is a completely different label.

When I talk of getting help I am thinking of what Kim calls appropriate help. People who moan and complain and don’t do what they are asked are not help in my eyes.

[Kim2014]

I may be heading towards the ‘I can only do this by myself type’ at this rate!

Thinking about it though, the only people I’m really seeking practical help from, are others with hoarding/disposal issues… :idea:

It’s interesting what difference different labels can make, isn’t it?

[chaosqueenParticipant]

People with hoarding issues can be quite the hindrance :lol: At least that is my experience. Do you know that many people with hoarding issues? Or do you just not ask a lot of people for help?.

[Kim2014]

Bit of both! I think because I’ve recently been having to explain not being able to simply live normally at home or have people over, and have taken to admitting I ‘have a bit of a problem’ (major understatement!) and I’ve met a lot of people through having to use storage facilities, I get people opening up about their own situations more.

I’m also bad at asking for help, but others ask me for it quite a bit and I’m not good at saying no to it, so I’ve taken to saying yes, but I also need help, so how about I do x for you and you’ll do y for me?

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Maybe that could be the key. Tell them they have to help YOU first. Like. When my garden is cleared I can help you, When the car is taken apart and put together again, or what ever it is you could use their help with. I know that might not work a lot of times, but every now and then it might.

Time to come out of the closet. After all this talking about accepting help. In the last 12 months the only person I have actively sought help from with this are my husband and children. :oops: :lol:

Call my Chaosqueen the big mouthed one. The other people I could ask either have too much on their own plate or stress me out.

[Daisy]

Hello Km2014 and Chaosqueen,

Having thought about this , if I’m honest I think I would find help from others still difficult. I sort I like it that it’s me making the decisions when it comes what happens to my stuff.

Thank you Kim2014 for saying there are different types of hoarding , I hadn’t thought about that but I’ve bought Randy Frost’s book and I am learning more about hoarding from this site.

I guess my strengths would be that I can make the decision to put something out my front door and to declutter on a regular basis. I like my kitchen and bathroom clean so that encourages me to clean even if it’s on an irregular basis . Whereas my weakness’s maybe that I still want to keep some things which are hoarding based ( I seem to be like this with books..) , and I don’t like the idea of routines.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

I am off the opinion that everyone should get the amount of help they want. And if you want to do it by yourself. That is just fine with me! :lol:

If books are hard for you, either go through them little by little or wait until you are more confident. If you can make decisions to part with things and actually get them out the door., that is great in my opinion. I also think it is okay to keep things. Even big numbers of things in my opinion as long as they don’t interfere with your daily life or endanger you. Just because we tend to hoard, doesn’t mean we can’t have anything!

[Kim2014]

Quote:

I also think it is okay to keep things. Even big numbers of things in my opinion as long as they don’t interfere with your daily life or endanger you. Just because we tend to hoard, doesn’t mean we can’t have anything!

Agree with CQ. There’s nothing wrong with any of it as long as it doesn’t cause you or other’s difficulties. I would qualify that with a gentle warning that for many, a situation that causes them and others no problems, can change overnight.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Or we could turn a blind eye and think it is not causing any problems. I think with some things it is less obvious that they are causing problems then others. I realized I had to do something about my books, when I not only had to stuff them into every available spot on any shelf (bathroom, kitchen, bedrooms) to not trip over them. I finally did the math. Even if I had read 2 books per week (no chance at that time) it would have taken me around 3-4 years to read them all. I still kept a few, but the rest I let go to people who enjoy reading as much as I do.

[NanaParticipant]

It has taken years so far, and it will probably take quite some years longer to get to somewhere about normal, but the process of getting things sorted is actually making me happy. If I gave the job over to others I think that the inevitable discovery of there being part of a set of things missing or just one left behind would sour things for me.

Yes, it is the hoarding way to work though it, I am quite aware of that, but it is like untangling a ball of yarn without needing to break it – somehow it means I’ve won.

[Author]

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