Hoarders’ house is beyond repair

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

Welcome, Len Theric. I’m sorry to hear about your family’s situation. I’m afraid I don’t have first-hand experience with a situation of this level… wish I had an answer for you.

Have you clicked on the https://www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/resources/” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/resources/ tab here?

reddit also has a good resource list https://www.reddit.com/comments/40t4un” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.reddit.com/comments/40t4un

Hopefully others on this board can offer tips/advice. Sending you and your parents strength to get through it all.

[OddsocksParticipant]

ShedTheShame wrote:

reddit also has a good resource list [url]https://www.reddit.com/comments/40t4un[/url]

Many thanks for sharing that- looks really useful for me!

[OddsocksParticipant]

I also wish that I could say something useful. You certainly have my sympathies for being in this situation.

I wrote a long post, but it was full of obvious things, so this is a shorter version. From my perspective as a hoarder.

Do your parents see this as a problem? It shouldn’t be just you. Needs their action, and also I don’t think you should be using your money to help with repairs, but of course that is your choice.

The clutter can have an impact on the state of the building, such as poor ventilation. But they are separate issues, from the perspective that dealing with the building doesn’t involve throwing things away. But also it can involve money.

So one thing is making a list of what needs doing.

Is there anything that can be sorted out free or someone doing it themselves? *As long as that is safe* . For example, painting the outside of the windows is OK on ground level, but higher windows needing a ladder can be dangerous. Of course, a key thing is decluttering. Even without that there might be things. For example, I moved stuff around so I could reach the window and keep it open.

Otherwise, what matters most to keep the house in good order? For example, problems with the floors may be more important than problems with the windows. Get some idea of how much money tasks would take. You probably wont get anything very specific about cost as tradesmen may need to visit to assess the situation, which isn’t an easy problem for things inside.

Apart from work on anything external, but then its awkward as they may expect to be able to come inside to talk about the job. Talking of which, is there anything that can be done to deal with the garden? Its bottom priority but would help with the neighbours. Quick and easy things where possible. For example, a big pack of strong weedkiller on key areas. Cutting things back (using thick gardening gloves for prickly things).

What can your parents do themselves? Is there anyone else in the family who can help with the DIY work?

Is there any relevant help you could get from the council? I’m thinking there may be things like taking any rubbish away, although there may be a cost.

I’m assuming its not a really big house? Unless it is (and maybe anyway) they wont be able to afford much if want to buy another house. An extra priority.

Finally, there is a good section of this site for family and friends if you haven’t already read it.

[bluesyjayParticipant]

welcome Len Theric

I am sorry for your situation and sending you all my empathy and hope and strength to deal with it

I often feel reluctant to write posts when I do not have any useful information to share, as in this situation

but still I feel like sharing a word of hope and encouragement

I agree about how crucial it is that your parents be the ones who deal with whatever the priority is, achieving awareness of it

and also that you should not spend your money on the house

hoping for the best for your parents and you

[Len Theric]

I apologize for leaving it so long to reply. Thank you all for your supportive responses, especially all the great tips regarding the house.

To answer one question: I think they know it’s a problem, since I bring it up and things get emotional. But I don’t think anyone’s identified it specifically as hoarding, yet.

I also live overseas, and being there on-hand is also hard, so this really has to be driven by them. That’s one hurdle to jump over.

I was there recently to stay, and under the guise of looking for something of mine buried in the chaos, I got Mum to fill a few bin bags fairly painlessly, and got a thanks too. So there is light somewhere in this mess.

Again, thanks you for you support. It means a great deal to know that we’re not alone.

I’ll keep you posted.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Hello from me, too. Sometimes overwhelm in combination with hoarding tendencies can make a situation really bad. I see it as a good sign that she was able to fill some bags and was happy about it, too! Maybe all your parents need is some gentle nudging and someone who believes that they can do it. What else could you look for? :lol: Maybe going through it for you is easier for her than doing it for yourself? If she can define categories that can always go that might be helpful for her, too. Like any newspaper older than a week, any magazine oder than 6 months, any empty box, you get the idea.

Can you identify a main group of items, like clothes or toys, or is it just helter skelter whatever came their way?

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