it’s my stuff

[Valentine]

Hi Clare

Having just read your post, I wanted to reply. I can completely understand where you are coming from – I too have far too much stuff – mostly craft stuff and clothes. It has so far filled up our bedroom, the cupboard under the stairs and even has crept into our childrens rooms (although not too much I must say). However, having had my husband say “You don’t know how upset all this clutter makes me feel” has put a different slant on it. My mess is having a negative effect on someone else, which has actually made me do something about it. Today he has taken the children out so I can concentrate on getting rid of things – and mostly I have been putting things on our local Freecycle – it’s great because I don’t actually mind getting rid of things if I have a good home for them. I can understand the wanting to rebel, because my immediate reaction was to say “up yours” and either do nothing, or buy more, but I really can’t go on filling up the house, it’s not fair on my family and it is their house too. I hope this helps, and you’re not alone, I love my bits and pieces, but unfortunately I have too many of them and some of them have to go!

Best wishes

Lisa

[Valentine]

Hi Claire

Just wanted to reply as I can understand exactly what you are saying, but having had my husband today say “You don’t know how depressed all this clutter makes me feel” has put a different slant onto it. My clutter is mainly craft stuff and clothes – it’s filled our bedroom, the cupboard under the stairs and one of the kitchen cupboards, plus has crept into our childrens rooms, albeit not too much. I didn’t think it was that bad, it’s certainly no where near the state of some houses I have seen on the TV or even friends houses, but if you are used to a clean tidy house, which my husband has grown up with, it’s a bit of a shock! Today I have thrown out a few bits, but mainly put about four bigish things on Freecycle, so at least I know they have gone to a good home and everyone who collects the things are very pleased with them. If your family are willing to help you, accept their help and just take small steps at a time, just getting rid of one thing can feel good! Best of luck and best wishes, Lisa

[Rita]

my husband is a terrible hoarder and gets really cross with me whenever i sugest helping him sort out his stuff. i am afraid to move it yet I am so unhappy having such a lot of junk filling up our home. do you have any sugestions?

[HankCrank]

Hi Claire,
Sorry you and your family are going through this at the moment.
I would like to ask: do you agree with your family that there is too much stuff? Would you also like to get rid of some of it? If your answer is ‘yes’ then surely you just have to let your family know what are ‘your terms’. Apologies if you have already done this – I can’t tell from the information you have provided, but if you have already done so, what is your family’s problem with your terms?
Best wishes
HC

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the suggestions. My family think I’m too slow and that I want to keep too much. The trouble is, they don’t see the same value in things as I do. Freecycle is great but it is so hard to be organised enough to keep on top of it.
To answer your question HankCrank, I suppose I do have too much, but then I think if only I had better storage I could organise it all and know where to find thhings, then they could be more useful.
Maybe I am in denial, I don’t know. I don’t want to upset my family but they seem to just want to get rid of everything and I can’t do it.
Thanks again

[Janet]

The problem with keeping particular things you treasure in a disorganised way and amongst other clutter is that other people just look at the lot and think it is all clutter and can be thrown out. So a starting point for breaking the problem down is to mentally categorise your treasured items, determine which you would want to save in the event of a fire and, extract those items from the rest. Try and set them out in an organised way. That clearly tells outsiders that these are to be treated seperately, not as clutter, and they must be respected. There is no harm in also asking yourself the question: do I love and respect my treasured items enough to want to keep them nicely so I can enjoy them and see them properly or do I disrespect them so as to keep them amongst other clutter. It might be hard to convince outsiders to respect your favourite items if they see that you, yourself, are showing no respect for them. And no, you can’t even enjoy them if they are under loads of other clutter. Tackle this one first and it might lead you on to deciding on your second batch of favourite things to extract and organise, thus you’ll start to make inroads and it will be less daunting.

[feag]

After watching this programme last night, with my mum who I now live with as I am her carer, it was hard, as she has always been a hoarder, as was my dad, who is now deceased. She says that they grew up in the war when you didnt just throw things away and so they kept ‘everything’ she now realises that if she doesnt throw stuff out now, I will be left with the task and will be bullied probably by my brother to just chuck it all out and I myself have become quite a hoarder and dislike waste, mum and I both feel we want to ‘recycle’ or give away the stuff, we cannot see ourselves doing a car boot as people want something for nothing and I can see her just taking everything home again. Free cycle is great and I can see other posters have mentioned this, it is however time consuming to list items and then have the items sitting around waitng for collection – but it does feel good, knowing the item is going to a ‘good home’.

We have a problem and it will take time and determination, something we lack, we go out or away, and try and forget it – but it’s there when you get back!!

[Author]

Posts