mindset reset 35 days free – Mel Robbins

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

Thx for posting this, bluesyjay. I like it so far. There are some worksheets to fill out. At first I was like, “Ugh. I don’t feel like filling out pages.” But I started doing them and think they’re really good because for one thing –- there aren’t a whole lot of pages to fill out And the questions ask about specific things; they’re not broad questions like, “Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs?”

The last 2 videos have been her with her son answering the questions. I found it really sweet – to see parent and child talking through these things.

Researchers have found that an absence of warmth, acceptance, and support characterizes the early family life of many people with hoarding issues. So if someone lacked warmth, acceptance and support during their childhood — they didn’t receive the type of parenting shown in these videos. And they’re left to parent themselves.

I look at filling out these worksheets — asking myself these questions and answering them –- as a great tool to parent myself. And I’m curious to see what the remaining days of this program have in store.

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

So far I’ve kept up with the daily videos. 35 days is a lot for me to stay disciplined every day… we’ll see if I can do it :lol:

I like how she has us visualize not just what we want to achieve but also how it will FEEL when we achieve it. Yesterday she talked about identifying what our default mode is when we’re cruising on autopilot. If it’s a limiting belief — we want to be able to catch ourselves when we slip into it and then deliberately shift our thought.

Have identified a big limiting belief for me: “I don’t matter.” I’ve been doing exercises since November to work on changing that. Hope this program will give me more helpful tools.

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

Day 12’s Q and A hit home with me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-ICj8AlPaw” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-ICj8AlPaw

Someone shared how she’s an emotional eater and spender. She buys things for her family to make up for how inadequate she feels as a wife and mother.

Mel talked about all the things we do to keep ourselves busy and distracted so we don’t have to pay attention to what it’s like to be in our heads. Can I accept that my hoarding is something I do to keep myself busy and distracted so I don’t have to pay attention to what it’s like to be in my head : : : It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I’m swallowing it :roll:

Mel shared how she herself was facing bankruptcy 10 years ago but would spend an hour walking the aisles of a shoes store, trying on shoes and occasionally buying shoes with money she didn’t have:

Quote:

“It was an escape. I was so scared about the situation we were in that it was more comfortable to pretend things were OK… to go to the shoe store and have an hour where I pretended I was a normal person who had her act together and could afford to do that. It felt comfortable to escape for a second, but doing that wasn’t going to help anything – it was going to be making things worse. What I needed to be doing in that hour was to be looking for a job, exercising and taking care of my body, calling friends and asking for moral support, working on my resume. Intellectually, I KNEW that. But I choose the thing that was the ESCAPE.”

Mel talks about identifying the limiting belief that you default to… and deliberately replacing it with something more positive. Once you’ve set your deliberate and more positive belief… you begin to substitute behaviors that align with it. If you remain in negative default mode and don’t interrupt it with something more positive, your mind will look for things to support your negative belief and you will also behave in ways that support your negative belief

She also recommended making a list of self-sabotaging behaviors. Use that list to create an IF… THEN Plan. Like, “If I feel myself reaching for crappy food, then I’m going to walk out of the kitchen, pop a piece of gum in my mouth, and tell myself ‘I’m worthy.’ I don’t need that scoop of ice cream.” Do that for all your triggers so you have a PLAN to interrupt self-sabotaging behaviors and insert positive ones instead.

I walk to the gym. Between my home and the gym is a charity shop. In the past, I have headed out to the gym but then stopped into the charity shop when I was in need of nothing and ended up making purchases which are now part of my clutter I’m having difficult discarding. Not only that — these impromptu purchase often “cancelled” my gym visit — because the purchases were too big to fit in the small gym locker, so “I had to walk them back home.” And once home… I no longer felt like “walking all the way back to the gym.”

I self-sabotaged my exercise and added to my clutter instead.

So my “IF I walk into the charity shop… THEN I’m going to do a U-turn back out the door and continue to the gym. Instead of making a purchase that will most likely be BAD for myself — I’m going to exercise and do something GOOD for myself because I love myself.”[/b]

Initially I wasn’t going to watch yesterday’s video because “it was only a Q & A and maybe I wouldn’t relate to the questions.” But I ended up learning a LOT :!:

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Okay. I joined First I thought 35 days, too overwhelming, but your enthusiasm got the better of me STS. Let me guess, you still have all the emails? :lol: Would you mind sending me 2-15? hahahaha

I think false believes have been mentioned? My favorite false believe is that “I can’t do this!” So here is my resolution. If I feel I can’t do something I will set my timer to 10 min and get started!

[kaizenParticipant]

CQ,

The email links send you to FB, I believe.

Here is a link to youtube, which I prefer:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhW2xUEb-B-aVYc90qot6GsJOvzPhkrco

It is a list of all the videos, but you have to go to the bottom to see them in order. And every time she adds a new one, it gets added as number 1, so all the numbers change. So I found I noted the time length of the ones I watched to keep track of where I am in the list. (I’m sure there’s a brighter way to do this all, but I am aiming to just get by these days! :roll: )

~kai

(Hope this msg goes through. Something is broken here. I went to “bold” CQ, and it would only bold everything or nothing.)

[kaizenParticipant]

I am really liking these too. Thanks for sharing this, bluesjay.

I am not up to date on following, but would enjoy much more conversation on her content & other thoughts. Thank you, StS, for all you’ve contributed. I will find time to go back & reread this thread.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Kaizen, you are THE BEST! I have seen them on you tube, but new that #1 was not #1 so I was quite confused, now that I know I can sort that out! Once I get into watching them, I am sure I will be able to discuss more! Thank you so much!

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

kaizen, you beat me to it! Thanks for posting the playlist and explaining they’re in reverse chronological order.

Sometimes the videos feel too long for me, but I like the content.

Found this earlier video of hers (thankfully short!) that was a wake up call to me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoQEY2sIMTg” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoQEY2sIMTg

Glad there’s a community here watching the videos and look forward to upcoming conversations about them

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

Video 20 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6TNauJ3Vqc&index=2&list=PLhW2xUEb-B-aVYc90qot6GsJOvzPhkrco&t=276s” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6TNauJ3Vqc&index=2&list=PLhW2xUEb-B-aVYc90qot6GsJOvzPhkrco&t=276s Mel Robbins addresses worries / anxiety / stress about money. I have plenty of these

In line with her earlier videos, she talks about identifying what’s behind the triggers that make us spend money we don’t have, do things with our money that aren’t wise, undervalue what we think we should be paid, keep us trapped in our heads about money instead of taking action to do things that will make us more money….

First thing to do is pay attention throughout your day to moments that trigger you related to money: Is it the price of coffee and thinking, “I shouldn’t get it?” Is it looking at your paycheck? Is it checking your bank balance? Is it catching yourself looking at things you can’t afford?

Then ask yourself a question. And that question is NOT “What’s wrong with me?” because that’s like punching yourself in the face :roll: Ask “What happened to make me believe that I’m not worth making money or that I can’t be successful or that I need to buy myself something in order to feel good about myself?”

Something happened in our past that created that connection between us and our negative association with money. Once we pinpoint what that is, we can make a plan to deliberately change that negative pattern. We can be deliberate about not buying stuff we don’t need and instead — come up with something else to do that makes us feel good

Someone asked a great question: “Is it normal for all our negative patterns to be related to a predominant negative belief?”

Absolutely! That predominant negative belief affects all aspects of your life. If you don’t feel worthy, then you silence yourself instead of asking for what you need / want. You stay in toxic relationships. You do things that undermine yourself because you don’t feel worthy; self-sabotage confirms our negative belief about ourselves! But the GOOD NEWS is that if you change your negative default to something positive and empowering — it will positively effect your entire life as well :!:

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Forgive me for boasting. Finally something I don’t have a problem with. :lol: Matter of fact just last week I told them off for cutting my fee by 25 % giving the customer a discount making them look good. I will NOT tolerate that. I am good at my work and it will take them a while to find someone who is as good as me. Plus the fees are what they are not because I charge outrageous prices but because THEIR BOSS wants things to be easier for them and set fixed prices instead of going per word as is the custom in translation business. So no. No cutting back my fee without talking to me first OR ELSE!

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

Don’t mess with CQ‘s pay!!! :twisted:

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Seriously. Best part? Boss backed me up when he found out about it. I have given discounts in the past and Seriously. If you skip 3 out of 10 examinations, no worries, happy to cut the price, but you skip 5 lines out of a 3 page document and request a 25% discount? Nope. Nononononono. That’s like telling the waiter you won’t pay for dessert cause you didn’t finish it.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Has she done this before? I am watching day 3 finally and it seems to not go with day 2? Or is it just me getting things confused after such a long break? I don’t remember that specific homework. Oh well. I’ll just keep going. Right?

Well, it says it is from 2019. I might just have to listen to day 2 again hahaha Maybe I never did day 2?

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Hey, I am already on day 4 :lol: now that the program is over the videos of the days have the actual number. My limiting belief is “I can’t” what ever….so today deliberate thinking.

I think I found that helpful already sometimes back. Like me I am fit, slim and full of energy and will do x now.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

I made it all the way to identifying limiting beliefs. So today I talked to a lady I know who speaks Arabic but can’t write it. SO I am all how about you learn how to wirte Arabic and 1 learn some new language. She in all honestly said, that would be too hard at her age. I have no idea how old she is but I sweat she does NOT look a day older than 30. Talk about limiting beliefs! I decided I refuse to believe I am too old to learn a new language. I have all this knowledge about languages already. I am fluent in 2 can get by with a third and know snippets of 2 other languages. Why on earth would I be too old?

So. Being too old is obviously not my limiting belief. I know I have quite a few others. Like. I am too tired. I am not disciplined enough. This is too much. So. Concerning limiting believes and my guests tomorrow. My positive words for myself today are:”I can create a pleasant environment for my guests!”

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