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chaosqueen
Sorry about your situation tubbybyebye. Well, if you are not sure what you want I am not sure what to offer! :lol: I would say, yes, hoarding. Crucial steps that will make a difference would be help her see she has a problem, stop the inflow, and then get rid of the hoard. sounds rather simple, but isn’t.Maybe bring up the question of the toddler getting a room to him/herself. And then see what she thinks needs to be done. Maybe do the math on how much the storage costs. You know her best. What are the things that motivate her?
Even if she thinks it is not a problem, maybe you can make her see it is a problem for you?
tubbybyebye
Thanks for the reply. I don’t suppose I was expecting anything, I suppose I just wanted somewhere I could describe my situation. Obviously I can’t post about it on Facebook or my blog as I wouldn’t want the horror of it all to be public :o It really should be as simple as that, stop getting stuff and get rid of any unneeded stuff. But, no, it’s not that easy.
I’ve tried various explanations of why it’s terrible for me, for the kids and even for her. But I’ve not found the right thing to say.
As for out youngest son, he will need the little room and it looks like I’ll have to magic up some space to fit anything that’s in there. I’ll cram a bit more in the loft, compress the stuff in storage to get another car-load in and squash the boxes in the cupboard to get just that bit more in. I’m sure over the years I have achieved the impossible, so a bit more magic should be do-able
She knows how much we waste on storage as well as I do, and we really aren’t in any position to be paying out that much. We got quite behind on the payments at one point and they threatened to sell off all the stuff – I cant say I was completely against the idea
She isn’t easy to motivate and I’m certainly not Mr Motivator!
I don’t know how she doesn’t think it’s as big a problem as it is. And I’ve certainly told her enough times how miserable it makes me.
Basically, I don’t know what to do, it feels like it will never get better and it’s just something I’ll have to live with.
It is hard. I know. For me the turning point came when I realized I have a problem. It sounds harsh, but to me it feels a little like you are enabling her. Don’t get me wrong, I think you are trying to be supportive, unfortunately that can back fire. I am thinking of small, simple things. Like managing the stuff for her because she is too afraid of spiders. In our home I am the official hoarder, but the longer we are aware of this, the more my husband realizes that he has tendencies, too. We are both the “this is still useable” type which in my opinion makes it a lot easier as there is very little shopping related requiring.
Watching the show “hoarders” made me see the light. My house is not packed with stuff, I obviously have less then you guys, still I know I am a hoarder. I did realize I have a problem about 5 years ago and things have improved a lot since then.
If I understood correctly she is buying stuff in the hopes to make a profit with it. She is definitely not alone with that. There is at least 1 hoarder on the board who knows that that is their issue.
Do you think you could get away with sorting the contents of the room into keep/sell/toss by yourself, then tell her she has a certain amount of time to assess, say 3 days, and then you will toss and seel and what ever she wants to keep make it her job to fit it somewhere? She will probably turn everything into keep but just letting her see how impossible that is might do something for her?
Another approach would be the §for your health” approach. If she says she can’t sort through it cause of all the dust, it should leave the house to protect her.
You do not have to live like this for the rest of your life. Neither do your children. Would saving for a nice vacation help for her to spend less? You know her, you know what might motivate her. Find that thing and help her see how having less can make things a lot better.
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