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ShedTheShame.
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chaosqueen
ROCKSTAR! I am with you. I obviously make all of these mistakes but 3 and 4 are especially hard for me, 3 might be what breaks my back. I don’t want to be fat. Instead of pictuiring myself as healthy, I don’t want the mess, instead of picturing things tidy. 27 wow. Lets get going!
I am brave. I will start my 9 times 27 today! I am terrified!
ShedTheShame
How’d it go, CQ? I’ve kept up so far. Not big things discarded, but things discarded nonetheless
Even letting go of “little” things invites healing. In search of items to let go, I started going through my father’s old slides. Found 2 images in particular that went straight to my heart:
One with my older brother when we were wee tykes. He and I have gone through some very rough patches in our adult relationship, including arguments over my hoarding issues. We reconnected this year in a much welcomed way. I missed him so much during out times of conflict.
The second with my older brother and younger brother, who died when he was only 3 years old. I was five at the time and said some horrible things to him during fights. As an adult, I understand cognitively that children say those things at that young age, not understanding what the words really mean. But in my heart, the guilt remained and I felt responsible in a way for his death
In this image, the three of us are holding hands. Seeing that is helping my heart finally heal. We were innocent children — all of us. There’s no one to blame for the incredibly unfortunate loss.It doesn’t matter the size or quantity of what we let go.
When you let go, you create space for something infinitely better to come into your life. When we release the old energy, it makes space for the new.
I ordered prints of these 2 slides because seeing them helps me heal. And I let go of others that do not serve me.
Nana
When my father died I retuned home for the funeral and found a few images which helped me realise a few things – my mother treated me as a child far into my teenage years and when my contemporaries were dressing in boots, mini skirts and tights I was still in strapped shoes and childish dresses with my hair tied back with a ribbon. When I left home I travelled on a coach down to London and the driver was concerned as he thought I was mentally incompetent and should be met by a carer at the destination. Having never been anywhere on my own before I could have done with help – but had to learn quickly for my own safety.
There is no wonder, really, that my personality is rather strange.Strange? Interesting!
How did it go for me. I put it off for 2 days because I was afraid to fail. Then it it me. There is no failing when you part with things. I made it all the way to 15 on the first day. I started late. I also am rather harsh on myself what I count as letting go and what not. I probably had 3 on my second first day. I decided I’d rather just build up to it slowly. No expectations no failure just and open mind of what to let go. I see so much that I should elt go and I am not ready for it. So even if I might end up having 365 first days this year it will help!
Nana, I’m sorry to hear your mother treated you like a child into your teenage years. Looking at old family photos is helping me widen my perspective on things. I have more compassion for myself, as well as more compassion for my family members.
Congratulations on letting go, CQ. I’m glad you’re joining the discord audio course — you’ll have an opportunity to get curious about your inner critic part and why it does what it does
Some days for me, even a piece of paper counts as an item I’m letting go — because it IS! That’s a sheet of paper going out of the house that wouldn’t have before. I realized that these “rules” for what counts and what doesn’t — they’re made up by me. I often create my own suffering by the “rules” I feel I must follow.
Liberation
Totally with you. For me it is like:”This is trash, it can’t count” “This is only going in a bag with clothes for my friend. So it’s not leaving the house. It can’t count until it does.”
Too much of a pain to fight my own rules. Also counting at the moment takes way too much energy. I made it to 15 today and am happy about it. IT might help me to know why it has to be 27 items.
Haven’t read the whole book yet, so right now I am focusing on easy wins. Which as you said. Everything out is out!
Looking forward to Saturday!
They didn’t explain in the ebook why 27 items each day. But I found this explanation online:
Hope you got the memo that the discord group will begin NEXT Saturday, January 15th
Thank you so much.
Yes, I got the memo. I also thought I replied!
And I did set an alarm in my calender so I won’t miss it!Completed the 9 days
That ritual is to start the energy moving. So I want to keep the energy moving. Makes me think of high school physics and how it’s easier to move an object already in motion than an object at rest.
I haven’t let go of 27 items each day after Day 9. I’d like to keep the energy moving without being a taskmaster to myself. Averaging about 5 items a day. Some of them are still “small.” And that’s OK by me
Heard an interesting exercise in a talk about recovery from addiction. (I see my hoarding behaviors as a form of addiction.) It’s called “reverse inquiry.” You take a behavior you want to examine. Mine was how I extract every last drop, every single crumb, every little bit of stuff. Then you structure the phrase in a “reverse” manner to remove the payoff from that behavior:
I don’t need to extract every last drop, every single crumb, every little bit of stuff.
When I said that out loud, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I thought, “I should not waste what I’m fortunate to have.” And then I heard my mother saying the phrase she has thrown at me whenever we’ve gotten into arguments: “You’re lucky you even have a mother.”
My mother lost her mother tragically when she was very, very young. Whenever she said this to me — the message was, “Be grateful that you have what you have. Don’t expect more. You already have more than I ever had.” And my belief about myself became, “I should appreciate what I have. I don’t deserve better. I shouldn’t expect more.”
And so I scrimp and save.
I’m working on allowing myself conveniences and “treating” myself more. It’s a challenge when I’ve lived my life not feeling deserving of good things. But I’m working on it
I always was frugal, made investments so that when my husband retired I would be able to fulfil a few hopes and dreams, I even got a fair sized inheritance and was on the brink of – well – almost. So near and yet so far.
My husband decided that the money should be invested in risky high interest ventures, and he did not want to travel or see new places anyway.
One small repayment has been made but so much is just gone.I could kill him – except I’d never get away with it, I’m sure, but the impulse was there when I first found out what he’d done.
Maybe I always sensed that his attitude to my money and my plans would mean never being able to enjoy them, but I went on saving anyway.
I am so sorry Nana. Maybe from now on every bit of money you do save or make needs to go into an account he can’t access? It is very frustrating to have years of planning an being frugal washed away like this.
Today I did something I rarely do. I watched a few clips on youtube. I was checking out one of the links Kaizen posted. One declutter video led to the next, you get the idea. There was one thing that I realized hours later. It is a concept form you book STS. They say that mistake #3 is “using the power of your mind to visualize what you don’t want”. e.g. I don’t want to drown in clutter, I don’t want to buy more things. And guess what. All those successful declutterers said things like:”I want free floor space”, “I want to have more time for myself so I am aiming to have less so I have to maintain less”. It was always about the outcome and the positive results it would bring. So there. I want free calming spaces!
Marisa Peer talks about the importance of the words we use, because our minds hear everything! This example she gave has always stuck with me: When she used to drop her young daughter off at school, sometimes her daughter would head to the school door and then return to the car. Marisa Peer said she never asked her daughter, “What did you forget?” She always asked her daughter, “What did you remember?”
If you tell a child “Don’t fall” What’s on their mind? FALLING
Instead, tell the child to hold on with both hands Now, instead of telling myself “Don’t forget to pay your credit card bill,” I tell myself “You will remember to pay your credit card bill.” Instead of saying “I will try to do some laundry today,” I say “I will do some laundry today.” Because the word “try” has a built-in element of “I might not actually do it.”
I’ve even been more mindful of using the word “hope.” Instead of “I hope this meeting will go well” –> “This meeting will go well.”
Here’s to you and your free, calming spaces, CQ
I totally get it. I have been using positive wording with my kids for years. Remember instead of don’t forget, hold on instead of don’t fall slow instead of not so fast but in matters of where I want to go with my life, I never did! Thanks for the reminder. That is a major shift of thinking for me. MY sister has been telling me for 20 years that I have to tell myself I want to be skinny instead of I don’t want to be fat, but I think I onl finally a few days ago understood what that really means for me and my self talk.
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