Shopping Queen

[bluesyjayParticipant]

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

you managed to make me smile and laugh!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

which today is a real feat!!

thanks CQ!!

[bluesyjayParticipant]

pfff

so I tried twice already

wrote one of my typical rambling posts going into depth into my shopping compulsion

saved the draft (I thought) and it disappeared…(really!)

so wrote again

and just feel too exposed/wrong/bad/frivolous…

for some reason this just feels too much to me to deal with

it is the pinnacle of my shame

it really feels like a core thing

so I SHALL BE BACK!

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Shopping thread special, buy one get one free! :lol: Keep in mind. You are still hiding behind a nick name, and one’s “shame” can be the very thing someone else needs to make progress! So when ever you are ready! The thread is here!

[bluesyjayParticipant]

thanks CQ for reminding me of that

I guess that if I feel I am just talking about me, it can be helpful of course, but it also feels like “too much”

as if I am (again, as I felt in my past) taking up too much space,

being too much, about me

if this can in any way be of help to someone else, other than me, because of course, I am in need of help and am not above it,

than it helps me to find the courage and the motivation

I need to go into why it is so shameful

first the main thing of shopping, whatever it is about

because it is a lack of control

and it is dismantling what I have been – tediously but consistently – working on

I mean WHAT???

I have been consistently decluttering, going to the consignment store, the garbage/recycling bins, donating etc…

and now WHAT???

who is this Penelope in me dismantling whatever I do?

this is my non rational association

In the Odyssey she is the wife of Odysseus, and long (very long) story short, she finds tricks to delay the men who are trying to take his place, and to do so, marry her, she will choose her husband (since Odysseus is bound to be dead and never return) when she finishes the thing she is weaving

so it is a sort of expression, when you do something with one hand, of which the other seems to be unaware of, doing the opposite

except Penelope has a plan! she does it on purpose! At night (if I remember) she dismantles what she has been weaving during the day in front of the others, in order to never have to marry again and remain faithful to her man

on second thought this seems to not apply, since hers is a way to save herself, while mine is a self sabotage, hers is aware and decided upon, I feel compelled to destroy what I work on

yet the night, when she dismantles, can be a symbol of the unconscious, of not being aware

and if this has come to my mind, like a dream, maybe there is something in it…

so why does this thing come to my mind, when in my case it is self sabotage and not faithfulness?

what am I avoiding by continuously ruining my own work with my other hand, as if unaware, yet unconsciously not so?

what do I erroneously believe I am being faithful to by all this?

this is just one of the issues

of many

SELF SABOTAGE

what I do with grit and determination and sweat and tears and time, with one hand, I undo with the other…in an instant it seems

and it has been like this in the past years

for clutter, weight, finances…

hope this did not sound too “out there” but that’s just the way it came out…

will be more practical in the future…

[bluesyjayParticipant]

more practical and easy example

I went to buy a few items the other day, from a list I had made (and not forgotten, as I usually do) when I was cleaning up the kitchen

things like 1 pair of rubber gloves, some cleaning sponges etc.

I somehow managed to buy other stuff and that is ok because I do remember other things when seeing them

however, instead of only buying one package with three cleaning sponges in them,

I bought three packages of three

there was no deal

I bought the cheapest sponges, of three different brands, to try them out

this is a typical example of how I end up with too much (only I am still using small easy examples that don’t stress me too much)

my reason is that while I was cleaning the kitchen, I noticed the sponge was kind of done, and I had no new ones!

I have A LOT of backups of many things, but never seem to have the thing I need when I do

so I bought more

which makes sense

but probably three would be enough,

or lets say 2 packages with 6, considering the bathroom too?

one of the reasons is when there is a sale

but there was none

the main reason is probably that I never trust how I am going to be feeling,

between depression and physical energy, there have been many times when I do not have the strength to go and do shopping, even for food

so I have the fear of lack

[chaosqueenParticipant]

The fear of not having what I need is a common one for me, too. I ran out of dishwashing tabs 1 year ago. Husband bought some. I am sure he got 2 or 3 packages, but the next time I went to the store I saw some on sale and ended up buying even more even though I knew we had plenty. :shock: Next problem was I didn’t like them much and felt like I had to use them up as they cost money. I ended up giving them to the neighbor and was rather happy for myself for being able to get rid of them.

[bluesyjayParticipant]

yes I also feel like then I have to use “it” up even when I do not like it,

unless someone else, like in your example of the neighbour, can benefit from it

[Daisy]

Hi Chaosqueen,

thank you. You made me laugh and smile two mornings in a row ! I’ve not felt up to posting over the weekend but going to post here today.

[Daisy]

Hi Bluesyjay, Chaosqueen and everyone,

There’s so much I could write here I’m not sure where to start. With my last big binge shopping I think part of it was the fear of not being able to go out as I bought lots of food (especially tins and things that would last) and DVDs to watch whilst indoors. I have depression and anxiety but manage to get out some days so usually have enough food to get by for a few days. Also I go to local cafes to eat as well. However before my last big binge I was feeling overwhelmed by family problems and crying a lot. I see a therapist so we talked about this being my feelings coming back, particularly sadness it seems. Since then I’ve continued to buy dvd’s but I’m not obsessing over them as seeing them as something I like at the moment and buying them from charity shops. However I as I’m writing this I realise I still need to be careful how many I buy because of budget and storage space!

[Daisy]

Shopping has been bad enough for me in the past to be a serious addiction so writing about it here does feel very scary, but I hope this will help me. My problem areas were shoes, make up, clothes, books and gadgets. There didn’t seem to be an end to what I would buy of these. On payday I would quite often go out and spend about 5% of my salary on make up without really caring whether I needed it. A lot of the clothes ended up in storage because I couldn’t get into them. I started to face up to this about twelve years ago when I found I couldn’t stop even when I thought it was a problem. Looking back on the things I was buying it does seem to be a way of treating myself. I have felt shame in the past about this but have talked about it and been able to say this is a problem for me so not felt alone with it. When I started to declutter I found things I didn’t even remember buying! I guess I did have a lot of regret about spending time shopping when I could have been doing other things. I did say to someone about wasting time in department stores and she said “well you did what you had to do at the time” – which helped me to be more accepting.

Now I guess I get anxious if I have a shopping period – maybe because it reminds of how I used to live. Sometimes I can beat myself up for buying something new. I’ve just ordered some new bedding and a bit of me is thinking is this the addiction ? But it is part of a plan to have a nice bedroom so I hope it’s ok. And it is going to get used ! Not stored in the attic .

Best wishes ,

D x

[bluesyjayParticipant]

Hi Daisy,

glad to read you

not ready to tackle the current problem with shopping for clothes, because I feel extremely ashamed and vulnerable to any comment that I am afraid will hurt and make me feel worse (this is what usually happens when I look for help in my family, which I have learnt to not do anymore, I get shamed and kicked in the rear end, and judged)

and I have not yet totally stopped, my mother asked me to online shop for her for some pants (that I gave her, when decluttering) and that triggered buying some other things while I was being good about not buying, sigh

I am returning a lot of stuff and I am wearing things too but still….

Considering your side of things

I think that when the quantity is under control, (which I realise may leave too much room for interpretation) that when the buying is in budget, and when it is being used and there is space for it and there is a plan for it, it is ok, right?

your bedding is part of your bedroom space makeover and I agree on how important the bedroom is

the dvds you are watching and you could potentially sell them back/donate them back to the charity shops after having seen them, as you will probably not love all the movies?

in the midst of my shopping I did get two items that I feel are ok

a petty apron for my kitchen and my house cleaning, to reward myself for getting into routines, and because the kitchen is looking so much better

also I am giving away the only other apron I had

I do have another 1 euro plastic apron that I am keeping for crafts, it is uncomfortable to wear but I keep it for messy things I do

the other thing I bought is an expensive (it was on sale) bathrobe, as the one I have had for years and years is showing its age. I have really enjoyed it so much, I only have one bathrobe, which I only use after taking warm baths, it was a high quality one so I ordered another form a different place, and need to find the courage to let go of the old one

I also suffer from depression and also did this thing with food because I was unsure if I was ever going to go out and be able to buy more food, I totally get it

now I can sort of trust myself to go out for food (not totally)

and am limiting the food buying also because I am on an eating regimen

but I can resonate with you

I always stock up on tuna because I mostly eat salads during the day and tuna cans are one of my staples

wishing you a lovely day Daisy

[OddsocksParticipant]

bluesyjay wrote:

pfff

so I tried twice already

wrote one of my typical rambling posts going into depth into my shopping compulsion

saved the draft (I thought) and it disappeared…(really!)

so wrote again

and just feel too exposed/wrong/bad/frivolous…

for some reason this just feels too much to me to deal with

it is the pinnacle of my shame

it really feels like a core thing

so I SHALL BE BACK!

That is SO like me! On the rambling posts at least! I wouldnt feel wrong or bad or frivolous tho? Its not! Being overwhelmed and shame is very much me, and probably lots of other posters! Its easy to see how *other* people posting dont seem to deserve shame. And goodness me, we are all in this together! So dont feel that you *have* to get back, or that you need to do one post not several. Only if it feels right.

Personally, I tend to get into writing long posts then realised that time has shot by! Which I have done again today! But I wanted to get back to you.

[bluesyjayParticipant]

thanks Oddsocks

the frivolous is because I buy clothes and it just feels stupid and superficial

the being wrong is something I am still struggling to undo as a family thing that stuck on me

and being bad I guess is also about it, because I have been spending way too much money I really should not have

I am still feeling really bad and uneasy about this last shopping thing

which is not completely over although I am getting bored about it

I still manage to buy stuff because I keep returning many items and buying again

[chaosqueenParticipant]

How is everyone doing with not shopping excessively?

[bluesyjayParticipant]

horribly

I have never done so bad CQ

I am spiralling down really bad

and really worried

and I do not want to stop

I can see it

I am aware of it

I cannot stop

this has never happened before

[Author]

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