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chaosqueen.
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helprich
I applaud you all, my Mum once stuffed the attic, then the attic was full and then it went into sheds, behind the wardrobes, then on top of wardrobes, and well then it just never stopped. It is fantastic that you are starting to see the problems that hoarding is beginning to cause, of course I am not expert, but as an highly addictive person, I do know that I have to go through many stages, first getting addicted to whatever it is I am doing, then doing it for too long, next realising that I have indeed grown another problem, then starting to deal with it.You guys as far as I am concerned are beginning to deal with it.
My Mum has boxes and boxes of stuff, she has boxes with boxes in and carrier bags full of carrier bags, she dose not know where anything is and I could tell this week, she was buying and collecting more things as she cannot find the thing she was looking for so she gets another.
I feel that the boxes to Mum are some sort of security, she does not know where something is, but by seeing the boxes she knows that possibly it is still there somewhere.
I would say don’t let the boxes fool you, they are not your friends, they just help to disguise the problem, best I would say is tidy some space and then just take 1 box and only 1 box at a time, sit down unpack and whatever you had in mind for the items found , send them there, send them to friends, give them back to friends, give them to charity shops, try and repair them (probably not possible), put recyclables in recycling, put things in the dustbin that belong in the dustbin, if you could just get rid of a box rather than collecting a box you are well on the way to full recovery. And don’t rush, do a box take a break then go back and do another, I am hoping I can bring Mum along this route, possibly to hopeful, but try I will.
I hope I have said nothing wrong, as I say I am certainly not an expert, I am just trying to see how one can begin to deal with what seems to have become an unsurmountable problem, which of course it is not. I do think your doing great , keep going
chaosqueen
Oh Helprich, no you haven’t said anything wrong. Considering what you have to battle it is wonderful to stillb e patient and understanding. I am dreaming of the day when I will just take a box. Realise I haven’t looked into it for 7,3 years and simply CHUCK IT without looking at it again. I’ve learned, that boxes are the enemy. I have some boxes of kids clothes, sorted by size easily accessable and they are really good to work with. I also have 2 boxes with wrapping paper, bows siccors and tape and now that I have it it is so easy to wrap something up fast (it used to be an endless hunt for paper, sissors and so on) BUT the boxes with just random stuff. They are the enemy. Today I almost caved. I really want the playroom clean and I want to get it done “the easy way”. I started making excuses and justifying. I told myself for every 5 things I get out of the boxes that isn-‘t churned I can put one back in. Well. I think I put a total of 5 things in the boxes. I tell myself its not bad becasue the boxes were there already. That I didn’t fill a new box. I have tomorrow still to clear it. Wednesday my kids have a play date. It better be clean by then
I had to smile, I do of course understand that not every day will be a simple day, there will be days when more things go in the box than those that come out of the box, so long as you can battle on and make sure you take more out the next day or 2 your still doing well I do remember when Mum could find things, I wanted some washing powder, she takes a box, put her hand in the box, out comes a biscuit tin, she opens the biscuit tin and in the tin is a marvel milk box, inside the marvel milk box was the washing powder, I though that was amazing she had all this stuff and she could find things, alas now she cannot find things, so instead she carries on collecting things, very similar to me, I used to dwing for pleasure, then one day I found myself drinking because I needed a drink it was no longer a pleasure
I find that there is a thin line between addiction and normality and once you finally go over that line it is very difficult to turn back knowing where that line is , is the very hard bit to do
Mum is doing her own thing today, cannot say it makes me happy, but cannot fight her and fight her hoard, I have to let her do it her way, but her hoard is now costing £100’s each week in time, travel and hotels hardly the big savings that the belongings were supposed to achieve, oh if only we knew that before we started, but hindsight is a great thing
Bless you all and lets all get on and do what we can to improve things
Today was crazy, I will have to cheat tomorrow…how about I just dump it back out when the friends are gone? 
Okay. I cheated. BUt I did punish myself. I put it all in my bedroom, which basically has no floor space to begin with. Trust me. That is a serious punishment…I wish I could say I will take car of it tomorrow. I had 3 hard days and I think I will stay in bed and read tomorrow. Oh wait. My bedroom is not going to be a place of refuge Hey , don’t act defeated , why not congratulate yourself for posting on here to begin with, you can do it you know you can, I do not think you would be here if there was no hope Just do tomorrow what you should have done yesterday and stop beating yourself up, you will be back on track before you know it
Oh, if you think this sounds like I am beating myself up you should have heard me 2 days ago. BEFORE I cheated. When it became evident that there was no way around it. Good thing I didn’t post than, I would have made you cry. Well. TECHNICALLY I am still doing great. Because I didn’t put stuff in boxes. I told the kids to. :shock: Shocking. I know Teaching kids my terrible techniques, but this way at least I didn’t do it my self. Figurativly I had my friend light a cigarette and stood as close as possible and inhaled all the second hand smoke I could get. I have 2 cubic meters of trash right next to my bed. And last night shortly before I passed out I had the distinct feeling that the stuff just waited for me to fall alseep so it could crawl into bed with me.Am I a true hoarder if the hoard is a burden? Or does that just show that I am on my way to recovery? Questions, questions lots of questions. I did find out that more men than woman are hoarders, but women are more likely to ask for help. Guess it’s like asking for directions.
:lol: This might also explain why it seems that more women hoard as they will show up in the forums and the shows. Hoarding usually begins in adolescence and becomes a real problem for people in their early 30ies. Considering that the average age for people seeking help is 50, you know why it is impossible to clear the stuff out in just one weekend. That’s an average of 35 years to pile it up!:o Well……. Now is the time to pile it down
:lol: Right!? I’ve been staring at the pile in my room, pulled bits and pieces out. I am so glad that there are people out there who know just how hard this really is. Even if that means they understand because they have to go through it, too. WE CAN DO IT!Yes WE CAN DO IT , sounds as though your trying real hard – watch that stuff next to your bed, the stuff near my Mums bed seemed to grow until you could not see her bed, now she is living at mine and at a bed and breakfast when she goes home, as we now fight to find her bedroom let alone her bed However little you achieve each day, just achieve and don’t ever look back, and make sure 2 cubic metres does not become 40 cubic metres
oh, the 40 cubic meters are in the attic :oops: if not more, but I did throw things away today that I wouldn’t have throw away for the life of me just weeks ago, so definitely progress here! Usually I start okay, I pick out the easy stuff. Then it gets harder and harder, and then I usually give up, but I did well today. As I said somewhere else I was wondering if I am a true hoarder because the hoard is suffocating me. I can’t bare to let it go, but I can’t handle looking at it. I don’t even want to go into my bedroom at the moment. I am most likely to stuff it in the attic if I can’t get it under control by next week. At least today’s work went with a minimal amount of churning I’ve come to the conlcusion it is better to not touch the stuff than to waste 3 hours shifting it around.Progress is painstakingly slow. I mentioned to a friend I’ve been chatting with that I want to throw away 20 more things tonight. Her reply? “No, throw away 40. One needs real goals.” Yup. And one also needs real friends. I think I’ll toss her which leaves me with 19 things to get rid of tonight. I feel misunderstood, and alone tonight. I think the next thing I’ll get rid off will be some chocolate. Nothing wrong with chocolate so long as it is in date LOL , is it not like drinking, or depression , so called know it all friends, say well just don’t drink, or just cheer up they think its all oh so easy, its not took me 3 attempts to stop drinking, and 100 attempts to top smoking, but I got there in the end
How can you tell a collector, throw 40 things/bags out if the collector hoarder says they are going to throw 20 and they throw 10 its a result, enjoy your chocolate then get back on track and put some things out
Oh, no worries. Chocolate does not go out of date at my house. At least not if I know where it is….hahaha I’ve reduced the “abomnable pile” to a 3rd of it’s size. I can get in and out of bed again like normal people. But from expirience I know the hard part starts now. I might have churned things, but my hurning is of a different quality. I used to say:”I’ll decide on this later,” meaning:”I will keep this for now”. I put it in an empty box and the piece was considered dealt with. This time when I refuse to pick things out of the pile and say:”I’ll decide on this later” they stay IN THE BOX (or got rotateted to a box I hadn’t dealt with) so even if I churned them for now they are still in the process and not on their way out of sight.
After rereading this I came to the conclussion that only a hoarder can consider this an improvement in behaviour *sigh* Ah well…”Baby steps to the eleveator” (Name that movie) hahahaha
oh, and btw since the start of Stoptober I have had one bad day on which I had the kids create 2 or 3 new boxes and had them fill up a few more that were there already. But I also got rid of at least 7-8, destroying every single cardboard box once it was emptied to resist the temptation of refilling it.
I made the mistake to ask my husband whatI should work on today. I told him I want the house decluttered and clean by tonight and as that was impossible he should pick something for me. He said:”How abotu you take care of the boxes in the bed room.” SAY WHAT?!? THE BOXES IN THE BEDROOM!?! CAlling the “abominable pile” simple boxes is like referring to a Lion as a Kitty. I was ready to pack up and leave. Instead I just sighed and said (in that whiney tone of voice the kids use”That’S impossible. It is too hard. It is too much work.” He said:”Well just start with one and see how far you get.” I got all defensive explaining to him that I got rid of one today already. I guess to him they truley are just 4 boxes. ButI know what’S in themI know they are ther to torture me. Ugh. I hate them. The stuff that’S leftin there is the kind of stuff I was never able to deal with in my life. I vetoed the idea. Instead I pretty much got the rest of the house cleaned up. (Fair trade, don’t you think?) The kids did quite a bit of the work, but as they also create most of the mess Ithink it is just fair. ButI willshow good will. I will take care of 1 item before I go to bed tonight. Hope your declutter parties are going better than mine… I filled a basket with stuff today. I know. Shame on me. I had to get all the stuff out of the car. I did put the rubbish straight into the bin. But oh well. Ah new basket sitting in my hall. If I clear it before I go to bed can I pretend I never filled it? The last 10 days have been crazy busy. One event after the other and sick kids on top to make life more fun. Fortunately the weather is a little nicer again. At the moment I am struggling with catching up with simple household chores. Not much stamina left for the abominable pile. Expecially not now after it has doubled in size. I managed to shrink it back down but it still is bigger than the smallest I’ve had it. I thinkI’ll just go and work on it now for 30 min. no. 2x 15 min. I think Ican’t handle a full 30 min stretch of that!
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