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chaosqueen
No idea. Where would you move it to? Storage? Gawainsgoverness
I would have to throw away nearly all of it. Because of storage problems and faecal and other contamination. And a lot of is is just rubbish anyway. This is not just a lot of stuff, this is filthy squalid, mouldy, soiled stuff. It’s more like an indoor landfill than a home.
Though I have been asking this question and am now thinking what exactly am I thinking. I have had to call the police ahead of my visit to the property in case the ex kicks off. Whether I can legally move his stuff or not is irrelevant – if I try it will result in a breach of the peace. I am always very anxious about seeing him under any circumstances. I don’t want to expose myself to his nastiness.
Meanwhile he is so bothered he will not respond to my call, but does have time to go to a pub quiz. I don’t think he grasps the seriousness of this situation. Just complete denial. It’s time to get over who is to blame and work together to sort this out.
Still, the more awkward he is, it strengthens my hand.
Can you talk EH to come with you so they can witness that you tried but he refused? I don’t know about EH, but that is the kind of thing I am looking at. I do want the place to be cleared, but without his cooperation I can’t do that – the council don’t need his cooperation. The police could potentially escort me onto the premises as well. I have friends who could act as witnesses. I’m logging every thing I do, every contact I make, copies of every document. I’m screenshotting my email inbox and trash daily so I can prove there is no reply from my ex. At the end of the day I think all I can do is what I can. I can make sure the rooms I am solely responsible are cleaned and disinfected (council say even the ceilings!) I can reach out to my ex, but can’t move his belongings, so that is a toughie. I am making sure every agency I can think of knows who created the mess, and what I am doing under difficult circumstances. It occurred to me this morning that I may be able to get an injunction of my own demanding his stuff is cleared. Not sure if I can issue this to a joint owner, so need to check – I know I could if I were the landlord. And I also don’t know what the legal fees would be for such a thing – probably way beyond my means tbh.
Let’s face it, without the ex on board the house is not getting sorted till the council step in.
Oddsocks
Sorry to hear about your situation. Legal advice would need to come from a solicitor, but one of them is wrong – how annoying! You mention an injunction to clear the house, with a deadline soon? That’s an official thing that might have legal status? What is their sanction if its not cleared? EH definitely a good idea too.
Have you spoken to your lawyer since the injuction was made?
You mention that the Council can clear his stuff without his co-operation? That would be great.
Gathering info to show sounds a good idea.
Your safety; Do you know if the police would actually escort you? Best way of keeping safe. They are so busy. I dont know what priority they would give it- maybe it would be fine? If you want to get advice about it the police non-emergency number is 101. I dont know if they would commit themselves (if there was a murder or something), but its worth checking out?
Your friends as witnesses another good idea. Might reduce the risk of him harming you that would be a doing a breach of the peace? They would need to be careful that if they chose to actually physically pushed him or similar to defend you that they didnt commit one. Tho I would expect it would be justifiable. But his solicitor is very active
Someone mentioned storage? Would need to be his iniatiave since his stuff and him paying for it. So he has the option of keeping his stuff rather than the Council chucking it in a skip- his choice. Mind you, if its that disgusting people might not want to help him pack it up and move it.
I am so sorry that you are in this situation- so grim. I hope that things work out OK for you.
bluesyjay
sorry I am of no help as I have no idea about this sort of things and live in another country so it would be totally different I am reading along and
I hope it gets cleared in the most peaceful less stressful way
OK, finally some definitive answers I can not move my ex’s stuff.
I can clean and tidy my rooms, and can also cut back overgrowth in the garden as requested. If I do everything in my power, and provide documentation eg my court order showing I am barred from certain areas, (and I have a paper trail of me asking for removal of clutter) I should be OK.
There may still be consequences for me if the property is compulsory purchased, but that’s in the future.
But, there have been rumours of my ex taking a van load of stuff to a storage area (just moving his problem on! not really getting rid of stuff!) so maybe he actually is cleaning it!
I’ll keep you in touch with what’s happening, thanks for the support xx
Fingers crossed for the rumors to be true! I agree, having your areas spotless will be proof that you are working on it. I also doubt that your ex can charm his way out of a half (your half) cleaned house as it will be obvious he did nothing and you got the job done. Still rooting for you! more fingers crossed here too! Okay. Forgive my “worst case scenario” brain. I was wondering if your ex has access to your rooms? And if he does. What are the chances he will sabotage or destroy your clean up efforts just to make sure you are caught in all of this with him? Maybe document your clean rooms? I know, I know this sounds super paranoid. Sorry if I am causing more stress. I have just seen way to many nice people thrown under a bus by calculating people around them!
and from me! I must say its good to know that you have a lawyer as things are clearly at that level! Thank you all of you, My rooms are locked, though they have been broken into before. But generally he leaves them alone. The man trouble is have the top floor of the house to myself, and he will fill the stairs with his stuff. I’ve already cleared my stairs once, and fully expect to again. I have a downstairs room, which he continually blocks access to with a heap of stuff, but he can’t egt into that.
Super paranoid? Funny you should say that. All my corresponce with the ex is via email, which I BCC to someone else, and also take a screenshot of my nbox and junk folders each day to prove that there has been no response, and I document everything.
I am beginning to feel cursed though. It is difficult for me to get to the house, and I arranged to go every day this week. My 18 year old had taken the keys as he needed them, and was meeting me there this mornng. He hadn’t replied to my messages; just as I arrived in the town he texted to say he had forgotten, and was at his girlfriend’s in another town. I had to go straght home, in a very very bad mood. Now my 6 year old has come home from school vomiting, and instead of thinking Poor Child, I am thinking Damn, I can’t go again!
I’m feeling panicky and fristrated when I can’t do what I need to because of events beyond my control.
When it rains, it pours. Nothing like kid’s vomit to ruin your day, or worse, week. I think you will probably meet more understanding from the officials than you might expect. We are all here rooting for you! sometimes I wish we could teletransport around the world
and give a “knowing” helping hand
and take turns!
I keep on thinking that if I had someone with me who “got it” and did not judge, and had patience, I would have already cleared my stuff
but we can do this!
YOU can do this!!
keep us posted
hand fingers and feet fingers all crossed!
And me! (thought I had done reply but cant see it- sorry if I did. Good that you have a lawyer when legal issues arise.
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