starting over

[NanaParticipant]

My thoughts are that there is a lot going on which is stopping things happening.

All I can suggest is making a start on the easiest possible course of action, take a small bag and go around removing any rubbish. When the bag is full, take it out to the bin and congratulate yourself.

It might seem to be a small and insignificant thing, but if you keep on doing it, you will see a difference, in the end. It not only changes your environment, but it will eventually alter your thinking too.

Having seen the various ways of ‘helping’ on TV, I am more and more convinced that the only way to change things is to do it yourself. Doing the work is part of the process.

[bluesyjayParticipant]

thank you Nana

yes there always seems to be a lot going on

I am probably always processing things which interfere and put me into sabotage mode even when unaware

I will implement that

today I worked on reorganising a very gruesome space, which as usual in my flat involved a lot of up and down on the ladder, as my flat is small but the ceiling is high so I pack up vertically!!

I did not finish but managed more than I despaired about at one moment

I was starting to panic but kept repeating positive things to myself like “I can do this” “trust the process” “just make some progress” “just do what you can” and so on

also I kept repeating to myself to focus on the next step I knew

one of the things that often interferes and makes a worse mess is distraction / getting side-tracked / unfinished actions /multitasking etc.

so I kept reminding myself to focus and forget the chaos around me and go on to the next step…

I really really really want a clean welcoming organised pretty home

I want a space in which to live and breathe and relax and be and create and connect

sending healing energy to all

[bluesyjayParticipant]

not well

great pain

I feel I have tried everything, this may be wrong, but I sincerely feel I have, and at length, only to end up again and again in a dead end street

feeling very very bad depression is worsening again

the hoarding is very bad

I am exhausted

feeling the desert

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

Happy belated birthday and welcome back, bluesyjay. I’ve been absent from the board myself… some travel and lots of work on changing my mindset.

Could you try looking at the work you did in your place — from an objective, 3rd person perspective? Try not to judge any of it. I know it’s easy to get sucked into the emotions: “It’s still so cluttered… It’s not how I really want it… My place isn’t as nice as my friend’s… I didn’t accomplish as much as I had hoped… I can’t do this….”

If you assess your efforts from a non-judgmental standpoint — can you see areas where you made an improvement? Not “perfect,” but an “improvement?”

For months now, I haven’t been doing much physical decluttering. But I’ve been doing a lot of work on shifting my mindset, training myself to widen my perspective, looking for the more positive side of things, and not being so self-critical. For example, my kitchen counter was cluttered (surprise :lol: surprise!). The cutting board extended over the counter edge. When I walked by I bumped the cutting board and consequently knocked over my mug of coffee, spilling the contents.

My initial reaction was to curse myself :evil: But I caught myself quickly and asked, “What can I learn from this?” Well, I learned why it’s good to keep the counters less cluttered! Next time I’ll wash the cutting board after I’m finished using it so it’s not left sitting out.

Lately I’ve started telling myself “I’m so lucky” to change the filter in my mind. I used to think bad things were always happening to me. If that’s what I believe, then that’s what my mind will notice and let in (confirmation bias). Now that I’ve been telling myself “I’m so lucky,” I’ve definitely noticed more incidents of good fortune

And in this case, I instinctively thought to myself: “I’m lucky I didn’t break my coffee mug and only knocked it over!”

I might have shared this woman’s video before, but in case I haven’t — she showed how she was decluttering her kids’ toy room. The room has a LOT of stuff. She focuses on one small area at a time, and she praises herself for the path that she DID clear. Yes, there’s lots more to tackle… but instead of focusing on what remains ahead and getting discouraged, she focuses on what she has accomplished and feels proud. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy0Lmye-fqM” class=”bbcode_url”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy0Lmye-fqM

As I mentioned before, I haven’t been doing much physical decluttering. Sometimes I’ll get down on myself about that. Self-critical me will say, “So much for changing your mindset. Your place is still a mess!” But then I exercise self-compassion and tell myself, “You’re working hard to change your thinking for the long term, and you’re feeling progress in that respect. You can’t do everything at once; one step at a time. When your mental outlook is stronger and more positive — you’ll be more capable to deal with the physical clutter.”

Sending you positive energy and feelings of hope,

StS

[NanaParticipant]

I learned the Pete Seeger song ‘One man’s hands a long time ago – these days I sing to myself ‘one small bag can take these heaps right down’

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Happy late birthday! I have been organizing for more than 2 decades. I finally see a difference now that I am willing to let go. It is still hard to let go of things. Not even sure why. But in the long run, it is the only thing that makes a difference at my place.

[bluesyjayParticipant]

I am feeling very very bad

my depression is at one of the lowest points

I am exhausted physically and feeling sick

[chaosqueenParticipant]

What is the best thing that happend today?

[bluesyjayParticipant]

Hi CQ, thank you for answering

I am having a very hard time finding an answer for yesterday, and today I am feeling the same way, maybe worse because I was hoping I would feel better waking up but I don’t, I feel extremely helpless, can hardly get up today

I think the best thing was talking to friends on the phone

I reached out to two friends when feeling at my worst, who were initially working /unavailable

after many (difficult) hours they got back to me

they are the two people I can tell how things really are

my girlfriend invited me to stay at her house for a few days so I can get away from everything, I just cannot go now because I have some work to show up to but I will try to go to her place if I can, it is complicate because she lives out of the city in a suburb and it is far

I also contacted the therapist I used to go to, I cannot really afford therapy now but I feel this is an emergency

he called me back immediately and I have an appointment tomorrow

I also emailed back and forth to another friend who lives abroad

the positive thing is their emotional presence, the fact I can be myself with all my mess – despair and flaws and that they do not ignore me, make me feel worse for how I am feeling, tell me stupid things to do

but I still cannot find a solution which I desperately need to find

it has been decades I always think it will never go as bad again, that the depression is contained…today I feel at a very low

I need to go away from here, and all the dysfunction and pain, which is probably why I never really manage to clear the house

I am extremely weak, and thankfully will have to work only later in the day

I will try to go to the park to sit in the trees, the house is causing me great anguish and I cannot rest

I do not have an ounce of strength to do anything, even prepare a meal, which makes me feel worse

the positive for today will be to go the park if I can

I am trying to focus on the positive but feel weak and in despair

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Having days like this is okay. Just remember, even if it seem impossible, they will pass. Going to the park is a lovely idea! Say hello to the butterflies from me!

[squirrelnutkin]

Dear bluesyjay, I am very sorry you are feeling so bad. I think you are right in saying you need to get away physically from the dysfunction. Start with packing a bag (with the nice stuff that you have been saving – I just know you have the nice stuff tucked away) and going to stay with your friend. Maybe then you can fix up to go away for longer, maybe to a friend in another country. I have read your posts for a long time and was very worried about you when you disappeared for a long time. I even registered just now to encourage you to get away, after I read that you had come to the same conclusion yourself. When you decide to go away for longer (a few months if possible) you need to pack two or three suitcases with your best stuff to take with you. From reading your posts, what strikes me is the amount of toxicity surrounding you from your family environment and sometimes the only way to get control of this is to put a large geographical distance between you and your family. To some people this might sound terrible, but many people will relate to it. You are very ground down with it all and you are suffering immensely. It won’t be easy but you need somewhere where your headspace can be clear.

[chaosqueenParticipant]

Welcome to the forum Squirrelnutkin! So happy to have you!

[squirrelnutkin]

Thank you CQ xx

[ShedTheShameParticipant]

bluesyjay, I hope going to the park gave you some relief and positive energy. How did the therapist appointment go?

That’s nice of your friend to invite you to her place. Hope you’re able to go spend time with her and clear your head away from your space.

(((hugs)))

StS

[bluesyjayParticipant]

thank you all, this means a lot, it helps

I am still exhausted as hell, just went to have my blood checked this morning, which I had been postponing for too long out of sheer laziness/exhaustion

I am feeling just a little better, and that is already huge

went to the park, it was exhausting physically even just waking 6 mins to the park and sitting on the bench, but good for the soul

went to the therapist, it was very good for the soul, I shall go back next week, of course my timing is a mess as he will soon go on holiday, but just focus on next step

talked to another friend I had never talked to this way and it was very heart warming to be listened to, and to have offers of help, which is still hard for me to accept, physical help in the house…not sure I can because as much as he assured me he will not make me throw everything or judge I am scared

I showed him pics of the chaos and videos of it , that I took for myself to hopefully remind me never again…that was a major challenge for me to show the pics…

I have planned to go to my friend’s house, a part of me does not feel like going, as it involves some minimum organising, taking trains, and it is around 40°C here…but I know it will be good for me

today I will go out to lunch with the other friend who is one of the two I am always in contact with, I tend to avoid these lunches as the place is crowded and I always feel it is a bit of a challenge…but it is also enjoyable

what is tiring on top of the tiring, challenging on top of the challenge, and I know well relate to this, is that you/one cannot just push pause on life while you get back to the living, or at least near…I have to work, I have to take crowded buses with angry/stressed people, go the post-office, deal with things that need to be done even if my mind is exhausted and even writing an admin mail is too much,

not even talking about daily maintenance in the home that once again went down hill

water the plants, that is my main anguish…not add to my sorrow in making hem die because I do not have the strength to go out there…

thank you CQ and Shedtheshame

thank you squirrelnutkin and welcome

thank you Gail Morely and Oddsocks for your posts on the other thread with my name on it, I feel too selfconscious to respond on that thread but thank you

I want to get back to each of your posts, which I read and cherish

for now thank you wholeheartedly

Love and Light to all

[Author]

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